Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
