Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
