The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
