i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
