OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
