well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
