me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
