dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
