Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
