The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
