He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
