just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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