when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
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she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
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His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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