So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
