I accidentally had phone sex last night
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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