Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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