my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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