I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
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Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize