We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
