I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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