y did u give ur computer a hand job?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
