We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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