You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
