so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
