I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
