super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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