I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
