To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
