Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
