I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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