I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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