I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
