just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
