and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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