did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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