I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
