do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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