hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
