So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
