I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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