i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
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The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
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He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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