At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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