party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
