dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
