Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
