I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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