I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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