I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
