We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
