shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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