Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
