Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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