I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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