i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
