An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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