As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
