tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
