omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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