i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
