I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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