im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I didn't notice because vodka
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
