there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
