I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Welp...herpes.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
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She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
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Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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