some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize